I’m sitting in my living room, mad at myself for something I shouldn’t be.

I’m sick; it happens, right? I just woke up from a nap, wondering how I got sick and how I can handle recovery while also achieving work goals and projects, and not let my friends and coworkers down.

That’s why I’m mad at myself. This is a highly inconvenient time to be sick! Why couldn’t I have taken better care of myself? Why did I schedule all these events and tasks in my life? Why am I not strong or tenacious enough to do the work while sick? I see my friends and coworkers doing it, why am I just now waking up from a nap during the productive time of my day? Now I’ll have to cut into my personal time to catch up and lose more sleep-

Do you see? I talk to myself like an entitled fool. I should rest, that is the right thing to do now. And a large factor contributing to why I am sick today, is because of the obligations and stress I have put on myself; berating myself as weak or stupid for not being able to bear it isn’t just unfair, it’s counterproductive. Pushing myself in any way is the wrong thing to do right now, in my position.

I’m mad because my world isn’t the way I want it to be. Resting, reflecting, and taking stock (literally and figuratively) is what I should be doing. And if I do take on one of the delayed tasks, it should be because I get joy from it. Obligations have no hold on me today; needs do.